I slept early last night…
Then i suddenly felt someone is carrying me…
It laid me down on a soft mattress…
After a minute or so, a blindingly bright light pierced thru my eyes, that I was forced to open it to see where it came from…
When I opened my eyes… I saw my grandfather staring at me, smiling…
I smiled back… then we talked…
Papa: you seemed so sleepy? What did u do all this time?
Me: Im in my internship right now, I wake up early everyday and spend a lot of time traveling due to heavy traffic and I spend 8 hours in front of the computer doing a website for the company where I work…

Then he smiled some more and lowered his head…
He stood up… and I did the same…

Then he held his hand up reaching for me…

Papa: come with me now…
Me: where?
Papa: I want you to rest… ur so tired… its ok they can take care of their selves now…(then he smiled)
Me: what do u mean by that?
Papa: you know what I mean…(still smiling)

Then I looked down…I suddenly saw them:

My dad..watching shows on his favourite channel
My brother jay..answering a call from a customer in his workplace..
My sister playing tiberian sun..
My brother eating dinner..
My youngest brother ron, sleeping…
My lola in her house in the province watching her favourite teleserye…
My mom, in Wales, going home from work…
doing some pc stuff..
doing his work in mtv..
also in the pc..
in their computer shop..
also in front of the pc..
doing something on his pc
texting..
tending to her younger siblings..
doing something in his pc.
doing another deviation..

flashes of them kept appearing in my view below..

when I turned to look to my grandfather…

Papa: see..they can manage without u…they seem to be enjoying themselves more without u…they don’t even notice ur gone, do they? join us here (my dad’s father and mother appeared smiling and waving)

Me: but I can’t…they need me, i suppose… i can’t leave them…I love them too much..

My grand father chuckled..

Papa: I know you’ll say that...but cant u see? They can already live without u…(still smiling) please rest now… u’ve done enough…u’ve done too much…ur too weak to continue… everybody assumes ur strong and and u can take care of urself…that’s y nobody’s taking care of u, have u heard anyone of ur family of ur special someone telling u to “take care”? they don’t bother anymore right? They’ve been telling everybody to take care except u..u know that..u’ve heard them…don’t be a blind fool… I know too much suffering since u were young has crushed ur soul…don’t pretend to be strong now…come with us and we’ll take care of u..

Me: I don’t know…I love them too much…my love for them kept me strong all this years…it made me hold on and hope for better things…

Papa: but has there any changes?

I didn’t answer…I don’t know what to say…

Me: I love them too much…

Papa: do u love urself?

Me: of course..that’s why I stood up for them until now because taking care of them and loving them makes me happy…and I want to be happy…

Papa: are they making u happy in their own ways?

Me: I don’t care anymore…

Papa: then u should…rest now and come with us...its very peaceful here…

Me: I love them too much…(tears are now streaming in my eyes)..and i dont care anymore...

Papa: I know u’ll say that… oh well…i’ll visit u next time...soon..(still smiling)… and the next time I come back, I’ll take “no” for an answer…we love u princess…and we miss u already…soon I’ll take u with me for u to rest…

My vision blurred…
My pillow is wet with tears…


And I almost took my grandfather’s hands that night…